i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
