we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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