this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
