I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
