i wish there were pregnant emoticons
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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