Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
