I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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