i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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