im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
