What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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