Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
