i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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