is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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