the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
