today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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