My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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