Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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