When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
