i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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