Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
