Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
