hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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