Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize