I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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