I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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