ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
