it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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