I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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