Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
