So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize