did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
