Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
