Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
