i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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