Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
