Apparently you make a good broom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
