Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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