I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
