So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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