It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
