that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
