There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
