I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
