I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
