she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
