I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
