Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
