It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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