In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
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His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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