Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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