dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
