Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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