You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
