He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
