I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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