We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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