lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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