the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
