I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
