I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
