Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
